A BURDEN TO BEAR

               

Mirabella

                         "Do I have a gift mommy?" asked my daughter as we both watched the Disney movie "Encanto".        

                I have always been fascinated by Disney cartoons, especially the princesses, from Belle to Cinderella. And it was no wonder that my daughter took my footsteps in these cartoons. However, she likes Rapunzel and Snow White. And we often spend time together watching these cartoons. This movie 'Encanto' was about a family, in which all the members of the family had unique miraculous gifts, except for a girl named Mirabella. The other members of the family looked down upon her and she too felt inferior when compared to these gifted ones. My daughter understood the storyline, so she asked me if she had a gift, probably worried that she might be despised if she doesn't have one. 

                      I told her, "Yes sweetie, you have a gift ." 

                     "What is that gift?" she asked. 

                    "You will know when the movie is over," I replied, hoping the movie has a good climax to back up my word.

                 
                   And Disney did not disappoint me. As the story progresses, we find that Mirabella who desired to be like the others finds out that the gifted ones felt burdened by the pressure of having to be perfect all the time. And the story ends with the moral that people are the true gift, not the gifts they possess. I was happy with the ending, it was something I expected it to be.

                When the movie got over my daughter asked me, 

                 "Am I the gift then?" 

                  I smiled big and said, "Yes sweetheart, you're the gift. A good and perfect gift from God to me." 

                   She asked then, "Did you ask God for me? Am I special?" 

                    I told her, "Yes, I asked God for you and you're special to me." 

                 Then came the next question, "Why am I special? Is it something I have?" 

                 "No, it's not something you have, it's something you are. You are my daughter and that is the very special thing about you. Even when you are naughty or good, being cute or adamant. You are still my daughter and I love you and you are special to me," I said.

                  Oh! you should have seen the joy on my daughter's face! She was so happy and joyful. She gave me a tight hug and a big kiss. I could sense she was relieved and extremely happy. She lay down and turned over and went to sleep peacefully and deeply within a minute just like that. 

                I too lay down and closed my eyes, but I was nowhere near sleeping, let alone to sleep deeply. Thoughts about what I saw in the movie were racing through my head. More than anything, the thought of how the gifted ones felt burdened by the pressure to be perfect struck me hard. It was because I had an excellent idea of how it felt! Though I don't have any miraculous special gift, I believe we all have been given some gifts. 

                 Marital life is a gift but the pressure of being a lovable and perfect wife/husband does burden us. Motherhood is a gift, but our need to be perfect role models to our children burdens us. Friendship is a gift, but being a friend-in-need every time burdens us. In a society where money, fame, success and honour are considered to be the ingredients for a happy life, we are burdened to pursue them. 

             These burdens make us weary and sometimes we feel guilty when we fail these standards of perfection. It forces us to pretend to be something we are not. We lose ourselves behind these masks of perfection just to fill someone else's expectations. And it is a burden too big to bear. As a woman, I am expected to hide my anger because I must not lose my composure. A father or husband is expected to hide their tears, because "Big boys don't cry". The children must hide their emotions and not throw tantrums because it disturbs the peace of this peaceless society. A student is expected to score 100s because we believe that is what education is for. And I can go on with this list.

                Unrealistic expectations of how a man or woman or son or daughter or wife or husband or anybody should be, makes many poor souls suffer inwardly. I ask myself sometimes, "Why do I have to be perfect always? Why should my failures and shortcomings be hidden? Why should I be right always? Why can't I be wrong? Why can't I be imperfect? Why cannot I fail sometimes? Why can't I fall and pick myself up? Why does this world expect me to be somebody I am not and accept me for who I am?

       As I was musing over these thoughts, a verse from the Bible suddenly flashed in my mind, "Come unto Me all who labour and are heavy laden and I shall give rest to your souls." I often thought that this verse meant the sins of a man (as the burden that Christian carried in the story of The Pilgrim's Progress). Now, I realised that there were other burdens than sin in the soul. And that all these burdens cannot be carried alone. Therefore, Jesus has exhorted or even commanded I would say to come to Him with these burdens. For, by our own strength and ability it is impossible to fulfil all our duties and responsibilities, let alone the expectations. But, by the grace that our Lord Jesus provides us, these burdens become sweet opportunities for us to serve our loved ones. Without the grace and the strength of the Holy Spirit, we will soon become frustrated and depressed to move on. But, with the help of the Holy Spirit, these same situations will make us a blessing to others. So, give yourself a break, God knows that you tried. Above all, remember "It is not what you accomplish but who you are that really matters. For, you are a gift, a very special gift."