He remains faithful

                                   

  "If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself." These words are found in 2 Timothy 2:13. I have always been amazed and encouraged by these words. I have often heard that we need faith in our Christian walk. And, it is quite true. Faith plays an essential role in our relationship with God. But, many a time I have found that I am unable to muster faith, not even the size of a mustard seed. Especially, when I am in the middle of a crisis and the miracle I need seems very urgent. At those times, I feel powerless to stand before my mountain and say, "Go and fall into the sea." Rather, I feel like the father of the epileptic son who cried out to Jesus, " I believe, but help my unbelief."

                       

            In March 2020, right before the complete lockdown started in India. I was invited to preach at a women's conference. The news about Covid 19 was spreading faster and the fear of this unknown disease with no cure was creating distress and confusion everywhere.  As I was getting ready, I saw the news that a possible complete lockdown was about to be announced and that worship centres were also to be closed. Even as I was getting ready, I wondered if the conference would be cancelled. But, I was called to confirm that the meeting had started and I was expected in an hour. 

                            I had prepared a message from Colossians, Chapter 3, but as I stepped forward to preach. The Spirit of God led me to preach on Psalm 91. I preached about the protection that was available to us in Christ from this Psalm. Even after two years, some of the women who heard that sermon reminds me of how they were blessed by it and felt the protection of God throughout the pandemic. That is how it works when the sermon is from the Lord. I felt the anointing so strong from the Lord that I was so sure of His protection from any virus. I had faith then that would have moved many mountains. 

                              However, after I came home, I saw a video that was sent to me on Whatsapp. It was a video about how the people in China were suffering during the pandemic. It showed people falling down suddenly and dying. And how the Chinese government had locked people in their homes without food or provision. Little children were dying because of the lockdown without milk or food. And many young people were trying to commit suicide because they were locked away in solitude. 

                     When I saw this video, all the strong faith I felt an hour before went right out through the window. I knew for sure that the Lord was going to protect me from any virus. For the word of God says, "No plague shall come near your dwelling." I was still strong on that. But, the news about the lockdown caused me unrest. I began to wonder and worry about what I would do if there was no food for my child. My daughter was 2 years by then. I called my husband and told him, "Go to the shop and buy us some raw rice, wheat flour and oil. And, get enough to last for two months at least." He asked me,  "why?" I showed him the video and said that the rice was to make porridge for us and wheat flour was to make Rotis for my daughter. 

people waiting to get the provision

                       My husband looked at me and asked if I was crazy. I simply said that I wanted my daughter to have something to eat if such a situation came to India. My hubby tried to talk some sense into me. But, when a woman is crazy then there is no use arguing with her. My husband knows it well. He reluctantly took his scooter and left. After he left, I was alone at home with my daughter, who was sleeping deeply after having had fun at the conference. As I stood looking at her sleeping, the video I  had watched was playing in my head. I stood at the doorway crying, "Lord just give us enough to keep us alive. I cannot bear to see my daughter suffer." That was not a prayer of faith but of despair. There was a terrible storm of fear raging in me, not of the virus but of the lockdown. For it was something new and unheard of to me. 

migrant workers in tears

                        After having cried for a considerable amount of time and praying in despair. I finally calmed myself down and sat down to read the Bible. Though I was reading, nothing was registered in my mind. But still, I continued reading, after a while I heard the Spirit of God speak to me, "Do you not believe that I will protect you?" "Lord, I believe with all my heart that You will protect me and my family." "Do you not believe that I will provide for you?" "Lord I trust in You that You will provide for me." But I sensed, the Spirit of God smile. For, He knew and I knew that I was lying to His face. I did not trust Him to provide for me in such a situation. He did not ask me anything further. By now, we both knew what my state of faith was. 

                     
     I begin to wonder what the Lord would do, knowing I was lacking the very faith I preached. I feared that He might be unhappy and let me drown in my despair. But, My God was far more faithful than I expected of Him. He not only protected me and my family from Covid-19 but also provided for us beyond my expectation. I asked only for porridge and Rotis but He gave us everything we could eat and more to spare. He enabled us to support others with food and provision. There were times during the lockdown when I searched Youtube looking for new recipes to make. To some, this might seem outrageous, for many died without food during those times. But, I am sharing this to show you the faithfulness of Our God. The Lord did not turn away because I was faithless, but He proved Himself to be faithful by providing for me more than what I asked of Him. Every meal I took those times were filled with tears and thankfulness. 

                          We worship and serve a God who helps us not only through our faith but also in our faithlessness. He is always faithful and He cannot deny Himself. Therefore, be of good cheer, show your faith when you can. But, trust in His faithfulness when your faith seems less. For, it is not just our faith but His faithfulness that truly matters. (And, for your information, my husband came back after an hour without the rice, flour or oil; praying I had come back to my senses.)